One Nation, Under Clark May 31, 2007

Unfortunately, I had to go get Clark last night.  Apparently, he has infected the community with his particular brand of joie de vivre!  Church elders were distressed that his message of love was overtaking the county!

I Churn on the First Date, or, Clark’s Rumspringa! May 29, 2007

It seems my boy got himself into a little trouble in Hawaii. Something about using a fake ID to get mai tais in Charo’s restaurant. To teach him a lesson, I have sent him to live for a while with the plain and simple folk of Amish country. I am going to [...]

Sayonara, Charlie. May 29, 2007

Charles Nelson Reilly has died. In leiu of flowers, the family requests you send _____.
Click on the picture below to see one of Mr. Reilly’s finest Match Game moments…

Useless Products I Really Need, Or, Why My Credit Card Bills are Higher Than My Rent: Chapter Nine May 29, 2007

It’s a Puffapalooza!! America, bask in the versatile wonderment that is the Pancake Puff maker!
According to the Manufacturer: “Forget frozen foods! Save time by making healthy, delicious new snacks with your Pancake Puffs Maker! Use any fillings – apples, pudding, jellies, meat, cheese – to create new and exciting hors d’oeuvres, appealing [...]

I’m Hungry!!!, or, Does This Ass Make My Pants Look Fat? Chapter Two May 14, 2007

You know what I need right now?  Some Yummy Cheesy Crunchy Rolls!!!
 Yummy Cheesy Crunchy Rolls
1 1/4 cups Rice Krispies
1/4 grated Parmesan cheese
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 6oz can Hungry Jack refrigerated biscuits
3 tablespoons milk
. . . . . ..  .. . . . . ..
Combine cereal, cheese, and salt
Cut biscuits into fourths
Dip biscuits in milk
Dredge in cereal [...]

Useless Products I Really Need, Or, Why My Credit Card Bills are Higher Than My Rent: Chapter Eight May 14, 2007

Huh?
I have no words to describe the egg cuber! Seriously, I am at a loss
According to the manufacturer:
“Use this nifty egg cuber to transform a round egg into a square egg. Sturdy, clear plastic design. Place a warm, shelled hard-boiled egg into the chilled press and apply pressure to the pump.”
Why [...]

Glad I’m Not a Dugger, or, Seventeen Kinds of Crazy May 8, 2007

Jim Bob and Michelle Dugger just announced that she will be giving birth to Jennifer Danielle Dugger on July 23rd. I realize that that is not very newsworthy in and of itself. However, this is Jim Bob and Michelle’s 17th child. They all have names that start with a “J.” [...]

Au Revoir, Paris, or, The Prisoner of Cell Block Hilton May 5, 2007

As a formal apology for the OJ Simpson Trial, Los Angeles has seen fit to lock Paris up in the clinky for 45 days.  I, for one, am hoping her sentence can be commuted to Australia.  Bea and Joan….meet Paris!

Clark is Still on Vacation, or, That’s My Poi! May 4, 2007

Aloha Wahinis!
Clark’s Auntie Susie has taken him to Hawaii!
I think someone tried to mow his grass skirt!

I’m Hungry!!!, or, Does This Ass Make My Pants Look Fat? May 4, 2007

Wow, all of that talk of salad has me jonesing for some!   Maybe I need an AeroGarden right here at my desk!  Well, I want a salad, but I also want the sweet taste of some candy.    Often times, I am sitting around mindlessly eating my Snickers Bar, and I will say to myself, “Self, [...]