Meet My New Theoretical Girlfriend April 27, 2007

I’ve been thinking that Clark, my theoretical adopted son, needs a positive female role model. Ergo, I found Alexyss Tylor.
She is my dream woman. I would totally take her to Long John Silvers and let her order the shrimp. Or, we could stay home with Clark, snuggle up on the couch, and [...]

Useless Products I Really Need, Or, Why My Credit Card Bills are Higher than My Rent: Chapter Two April 27, 2007

The Swaba Soaper
According to the manufacturer:
“You’ll wash dishes faster when the dishwashing liquid mixes with water right on the faucet! No messy bottles of dishwashing liquid need clutter your sinktop after you attach the Swaba Soaper to your faucet! No waste either! At the touch of a button, it automatically measures [...]

Useless Products I Really Need, Or, Why My Credit Card Bills are Higher than My Rent: Chapter One April 27, 2007

Behold the amazing Pasta Express!
According to the manufacturer:
“Cooking and straining pasta can be no simpler! Just place your pasta into the Pasta Express container and add boiling water! Put the strainer lid and the thermal lid on top, wrap the container in its thermal wrap, and in 7-10 minutes you have fully cooked pasta! [...]

My Pretend Adopted Son Clark April 26, 2007

I used to tell people that when I turned thirty, I would adopt some crack baby or something. Turns out, that was a huge-ass lie. I just didn’t want people to think I was mean. Anyways, I have started telling people that I have adopted a child named “Clark.”
It seems to put [...]

Bring Your Son and Daughter to Work Day is Stupid April 26, 2007

I have no real clue why this event exists, and today is the day for it. Seriously, it’s not like I work in an interesting place like a planetarium, the CIA, or a bowling alley. I cannot imagine why any child would want to take a day to come hang out in a [...]

Hello world! April 26, 2007

Hey there Bobs and Bettys. This is Brent. Someone told me a few weeks ago that I write funny and I should start a blog. She pointed me in the direction of this web page. At first, I refused to do it, first of all, I don’t find myself all [...]